Thirsting For Food
by Pennatus
Summary: Vincent x Reeve. Vincent's POV. Accompaniment to Feeding My Thirst. Love is a difficult emotion. Do you love me? I can not tell, for I can not see through your smile...


Well, here it is. The title doesn't make much sense, does it? Ah, well…hope you like it.

Note: Although this is meant to be a oneshot all by its lonesome self, it makes a lot more sense if you read the first one, _Feeding My Thirst_, from Reeve's POV. So go read it. Rawr.

Disclaimer: I own nothing! NOTHING I SAY! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?

Read and review!

-.- ( like my new break? ^^)

(Vincent's POV)

I do not love him.

I am sitting alone, watching the sun rise with him sleeping beside me. So, I guess I am not truly alone. It feels like I am. The sunrise is red and orange and yellow and breathtaking, but I do not see it. I am looking beyond it, searching for you, wondering what you are doing, wondering if you are thinking of me.

I may sleep with him, I may travel with him, I may even pleasure him – but I do not love him.

Why?

Because he is not you.

He wakes and sits up, holding the blanket around him to fend off the morning chill. He looks over at me, blonde hair barely mussed from sleep, and those blue eyes cut through my deceit and lies and see the truth which I have only recently come to terms with myself. The truth is reflected in those cerulean eyes, and I cannot bear it.

I turn away.

We are both silent, for we understand each other well and do not need words. That is one of the things that would have made this relationship great. We connected in so many ways. But…

I do not love him.

He senses this. He knows that there is something wrong, some unknown factor interfering. He is not aware, however, that my thoughts are of a man, of someone who is so obliviously not him. He thinks I love him, and he knows something is holding me back. What he does not realize is that rather then something, it is someone.

You.

I honestly thought I loved him. When we kissed on that rainy night, I thought I could live with this man. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could finally have a bit of happiness in my unhappy life.

But as the days passed and we contented ourselves more and more in the other's presence I began to think less of him and more of you. It was like an infection. One brief thought and all of my mind would revert back to thoughts of you. And it seemed no matter what I did, I could not stop myself from thinking of you.

I've seen you since my romance with Cloud began. I was hoping to see some sort of regret, or love, or longing for me or at the very least hate for my new found love (my theoretical love). But I saw none of that.

You were smiling.

Somehow, I was not surprised. You were always so kind to me, and always worried for my safety. We always strayed between that thin line of "co-worker" and "friend". I was hoping you felt more. I was beginning to realize that my feelings for you went beyond friend. I was wishing yours did too.

I was wrong.

And that hurt.

I was finally comprehending the fact that you did not share my feelings. At least, I was fairly sure you didn't. It can be hard to understand you behind that mask you wear. But if you truly loved me, why would you smile as you watched Cloud and I travel off together? Why would you smile at my happiness, unless you only care for me as a friend? The only answer is…

…you don't love me.

Not in the way I want you to love me.

So my only option is to accept second best. I like Cloud, it's true – I could not spend that many days with him and not feel something – but not with the intensity I love you. The two, like and love, simply can not be compared. One has longing, passion…and the other has a shallow reenactment of those feelings.

Maybe this _is_ the way it was meant to be. Still, those words leave a bitter taste on my tongue. I wish for once that things turned out the way I wanted them to and not the way they were meant to. I guess this 'like' is better then nothing. But what compassion do you get? None. I feel like I'm getting more then I deserve, because I have something, and you have nothing, even though you deserve so much more then I do. You will always be kind to me, and I will always appreciate it and accept that eternal trust. I will live my life with Cloud, and accept his love. Even though…

…I love you.

I love you, Reeve Tuesti.

And I do not love him.


End file.
